The Ultimate Playlist: 11 Songs That Changed My Life.

A list of songs that have changed me, made me feel, made me cry and made me fall in love with music.

Music has always been a part of my life. I don't remember a day when there wasn't any music. When I was excited or happy, music was there. Even at my most depressed, music was still there. I have always played instruments like the clarinet, saxophone, piano and recently the guitar. Though I wouldn't call myself a professional or any good at the instruments, I've always loved creating music and immersing myself in the music-making process. I did try my hand a composing once, which was harder than I expected.

Regardless, music in all its forms has shaped a huge part of my life, so I thought I'd share some of the songs that are meaningful and accompanied me when things were hard. My music tastes span different genres and languages, but the common thread is that these songs made me feel.

Here is the list of some of my most cherished and meaningful songs in no particular order!

A quick warning though: some of the reflections for the songs might have triggering content like unaliving, mental illnesses, etc. So read with caution and care!

The Great Escape - P!nk

The first time I listened to this song, it made me break down crying. I was sobbing, and I could feel it even days after. The lyrics spoke to me. At a time when I was contemplating escape, this song said, "I won't let you make the great escape". It told me, "My passions and pains will keep me alive someday". This just resonated with me because it was my pain that made me want to leave. My passions didn't seem strong enough reason to stay. But here, P!nk was telling me that both my passions and pain are the reasons to continue forward. I cried and cried and cried after this song. Sometimes I still tear up whenever I listen to this song.

Troublemaker - Arashi

This song never fails to make me smile or feel lighter. The happy beat and mischievousness, and playfulness of the song remind me of taking things day by day. I believe this was one of the few songs that made me smile when I couldn't. That smile I had was a reminder that life wasn't as hopeless as I thought, that happiness wasn't some elusive idea I could never catch. This song brought a small joy in a life full of gray and emptiness.

Merry Go Round of Life (from Howl's Moving Castle) - Joe Hisaishi

Howl's Moving Castle is one of my favourite Studio Ghibli movies alongside Spirited Away and Castle in the Sky. Merry-Go-Round of Life never fails to bring me back to the movie scene of Howl and Sophie flying in the sky. It's so soothing and joyful. To be able to feel the lightness and freedom of flying, who doesn't want that? This song has always been a pick-me-up song, a comfort song from a comfort movie.

Labour - Paris Paloma

The song showcases female rage so amazingly well. I had goosebumps. The lyrics put into words about doing so much unseen labour. As a child, I was my family's designated therapist and matured way too quickly. When my mother was away, I was the one who had to take care of the meals and not my father. I was the mediator, the nurturer, and a child who had too much responsibility. I was, and still am, doing too much emotional labour.

All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid

Nymph, then a virgin, nurse, then a servant

It's not an act of love if you make her

You make me do too much labour

Better - One Republic

The first time I heard this song was during a One Republic concert I went to with my friends. I didn't even know who One Republic were except for the song Apologize. This song was introduced as a song for those who experience anxiety. It piqued my interest, so I listened closely. It described my experiences with anxiety so well, like I was being seen. This song reflected how"I tell myself I'm safe from harm, but really it's probably filling my dreams with dread". That's exactly my thinking pattern when I'm anxious. I overthink all the possibilities in my life that could go wrong and end up feeling worse than before. The lyrics "In the morning I'll be better, things are slowly getting better" are words I cherish. It means that I'm on the path of healing and one day, I'll be better. This was almost eight years ago, and I can definitively say that the song was right.

I Am Light - India.Arie

This song was introduced to me by a friend and colleague. It's a song I've shared with clients as well. It's a song that is empowering, compassionate and warm. The straightforward lyrics resonate with a powerful message: "I am not the things my family did, I am not the voices in my head, I am not the pieces of brokenness inside, I am light". Despite everything, I still possess light because light is innate. It comes from within. It may dim and shine less, but it never fizzles out.

Skyscraper - Demi Lovato

The first time I heard this song, when it came out, I felt the rawness in the way Demi Lovato sang. The lyrics said "You can take everything I have/ You can break everything I am." Although Demi was probably talking about her struggles with substance use, I resonated with these lyrics because it felt like depression and anxiety took everything and broke everything within me. I felt fragile and broken, like glass and paper. But this song also gave me hope, because at least I am still standing on my own, and continue to grow like a skyscraper.

I Love... - OFFICIAL HIGE DANDISM

This song is one of my go-to songs for a pick-me-up. It is actually the opening song for the Japanese drama Love Lasts Forever. I enjoyed the drama. The drama was touching, romantic, and funny. I was a little obsessed (maybe a lot obssessed). Whenever this song comes up, I can't help but smile. Even without knowing it was from the drama, I would have still loved this song. It's just really bubbly and makes me happy, even if I have no idea what the lyrics are.

Eyes Closed - Ed Sheeran

The first tiem I heard this song, it didn't mean much. I liked it and the easy melody made it a favourite from Ed Sheeran. I didn't think too much about it until I was at an Ed Sheeran concert, where he revealed why he wrote this song. He said he wrote it after a close friend passed away and whenever he went out walking the streets, he kept thinking he might bump into the friend. He said even though his friend passed, it didn't feel like it. When I heard this, I listened to the lyrics closley. The lyrics read "no one is ever ready/ and when it unfolds, you get in a hole/ everythign changes, nothing's the same/ except the truth is now you're gone/ and life just goes on". It reminded me about how I experienced loss of close family and it felt like nothing was the same, but everything else was. Somethng so important happened but life moves on.

Who You Are - Jessie J

This was the first song I heard the phrase "It's okay not to be okay". It's a phrase that seemes so simple. Of course it's okay not be okay. We're human. We feel sad. We feel hurt. But growing up, it was not okay to be not okay. I had to be happy, grateful, respectful, and the role model child. Sadness and anger were not held gently. I was told I was ungrateful. So when I head this phrase, it sparked soemthing. It changed the way I saw things. It gave me permission. And that's the first step of my healing journey. For the first time, I allowed myself to not be okay.

明日は来るから (Because Tomorrow Will Come) - TVXQ

TVXQ was, and still is, one of my favourite K-pop boy groups. This song holds a special place in my heart because I loved the melodies, the harmonies, the vocals and the lyrics. The lyrics are about the promise of support and reassurance: the umbrella in the rain, the wall against the wind and the assurance that darkness won't last. It's a song about not letting moments fade away, be it filled with tears or laughter. The journey doesn't disappear, and tomorrow will always come.